The Beauty of a Jewish Wedding
A Jewish wedding is far more than a legal transaction. It is a sacred covenant — a brit — enacted before God, family, and community. The ceremony weaves together ancient liturgy, joyful celebration, and deeply personal meaning. Whether you come from a Sephardic, Ashkenazi, or blended background, the core structure of the Jewish wedding carries thousands of years of wisdom about love, commitment, and building a home.
Before the Ceremony: Preparation and Intention
In many traditions, the bride and groom observe a brief period of separation before the wedding, sometimes fasting on the day itself as a sign of spiritual renewal. The wedding day is compared to Yom Kippur — a day when past transgressions are forgiven and a new chapter begins.
The ketubah (marriage contract) is typically signed before the ceremony begins, witnessed by two individuals who are not related to the couple. The ketubah is an ancient Aramaic document outlining the groom’s obligations to the bride. In Sephardic communities, the ketubah reading often takes a more prominent ceremonial role, sometimes chanted aloud with a distinctive melody. Many modern couples also choose artistic ketubot that reflect their personal aesthetic and values.
The bedeken (veiling of the bride) is primarily an Ashkenazi custom, in which the groom places a veil over the bride’s face before the ceremony. This recalls the biblical story of Jacob being deceived into marrying Leah instead of Rachel — the groom verifies his bride’s identity. In Sephardic traditions, this moment takes different forms or may not be observed in the same manner.
Under the Chuppah
The chuppah (wedding canopy) is the heart of the ceremony. It consists of a cloth or tallit held aloft by four poles, open on all sides. The chuppah symbolizes the home the couple will build together — a home open to guests, to community, to the world.
Circling
In Ashkenazi custom, the bride traditionally circles the groom seven times upon arriving at the chuppah, corresponding to the seven times the word “when” appears in the biblical description of betrothal, or to the seven circuits Joshua made around Jericho before the walls fell. Many modern couples choose to circle each other, reflecting a mutual partnership. In most Sephardic traditions, circling is not practiced.
The Two-Part Ceremony
A Jewish wedding actually contains two distinct ceremonies historically performed separately:
Kiddushin (betrothal): The groom places a ring on the bride’s index finger (Sephardic custom) or right index finger (Ashkenazi custom) and recites the ancient formula: “Harei at mekudeshet li b’taba’at zo k’dat Moshe v’Yisrael” — “Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel.” The bride’s acceptance of the ring constitutes legal betrothal.
Nissu’in (marriage): The Sheva Berakhot (seven blessings) are chanted, praising God as Creator, celebrating human joy, and invoking the sounds of happiness in the streets of Jerusalem. In Sephardic communities, the seven blessings are often distributed among honored guests and chanted with distinctive regional melodies — Moroccan, Iraqi, and Yemenite communities each preserve their own beautiful musical traditions for these blessings.
Between the two parts, the ketubah is read aloud. In Sephardic weddings, this reading is particularly elaborate and may be chanted.
Breaking the Glass
At the conclusion of the ceremony, the groom (and in many modern ceremonies, both partners) breaks a glass underfoot. The most widely known explanation is that even at our moment of greatest joy, we remember the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. The Talmud (Berakhot 31a) recounts that Mar bar Ravina broke a precious glass at his son’s wedding to temper the excessive merriment of the guests.
The shattering of the glass is followed by the joyful shout of “Mazal Tov!” from the assembled guests — the transition from solemnity to celebration.
Yichud: A Moment Alone
Immediately following the ceremony, the couple retires to a private room for yichud (seclusion). This brief period alone together — traditionally the first time they are alone as a married couple — symbolizes the intimacy of their new partnership. In Sephardic tradition, this often includes breaking the fast together.
Sephardic and Ashkenazi Differences at a Glance
The same sacred structure underlies both traditions, but the flavor differs beautifully. Sephardic weddings tend to feature more communal singing, elaborate ketubah chanting, and distinctive blessings melodies passed down through specific diaspora communities. Ashkenazi weddings often include the bedeken, circling, and a badchan (wedding entertainer) tradition. Both arrive at the same destination: a new Jewish home, built with love and sanctified by tradition.
Planning Your Wedding
Every couple’s story is unique, and a Jewish wedding should reflect that story. Whether you are Sephardic, Ashkenazi, or come from a blended background, the ceremony can honor the traditions you cherish while making space for who you are today.
Planning a Jewish wedding? Rabbi Gabai would love to help create a ceremony that honors your unique story and traditions.
Have a question of your own?
Ask Rabbi Gabai