Love Does Not Check Credentials
When two people fall in love, the heart does not consult a denominational handbook. And yet, for interfaith couples who want a Jewish ceremony — or who want Jewish elements woven into their wedding — the question of whether this is “allowed” can feel fraught with anxiety. Will a rabbi officiate? Will both families feel welcome? Can the ceremony be authentically Jewish while honoring a partner who comes from another faith or no faith tradition?
The answer, in Rabbi Gabai’s practice, is a resounding yes.
Historical Context
Jewish tradition has long grappled with the question of intermarriage. The Torah contains prohibitions against marrying into the Canaanite nations (Deuteronomy 7:3-4), and the rabbis of the Talmud debated the boundaries of these laws extensively. For centuries, intermarriage was rare — Jewish communities were relatively insular, and social barriers made it uncommon.
The modern reality is different. In the United States, interfaith marriages now represent a significant portion of all Jewish marriages. These couples are not rejecting Judaism; many are actively seeking Jewish community, Jewish rituals, and Jewish meaning for their families. The question is not whether interfaith families will exist — they do, in great numbers — but whether the Jewish community will welcome them with open arms.
Different Rabbinic Approaches
Rabbis across the Jewish spectrum hold different positions on officiating interfaith weddings:
Orthodox and most Conservative rabbis do not officiate interfaith ceremonies, citing halachic (legal) prohibitions against kiddushin (the sacred betrothal formula) between a Jew and a non-Jew.
Many Reform, Reconstructionist, and Renewal rabbis do officiate interfaith weddings, viewing inclusion as essential to the continuity and vitality of Jewish life.
Independent and pluralistic rabbis — including Rabbi Gabai — approach each couple individually, focusing on the couple’s sincere desire to build a home that includes Jewish values, traditions, and community.
Rabbi Gabai does not believe that turning couples away serves the Jewish people. She has witnessed firsthand how interfaith families become deeply committed members of Jewish communities, raising Jewish children, observing holidays, and enriching congregational life.
What Elements Can Be Included
An interfaith Jewish wedding can include many — or all — of the traditional elements:
The Chuppah: The wedding canopy is a universal symbol of the home the couple will build. Its openness on all sides beautifully represents hospitality and welcome — appropriate for a ceremony that brings two families together.
The Ketubah: While the traditional Aramaic ketubah is specifically a document between two Jewish partners, many couples choose a modern ketubah that reflects their shared commitments and values. The ketubah can be a work of art and a meaningful covenant.
The Seven Blessings (Sheva Berakhot): These can be adapted or supplemented. Some couples invite family members from both traditions to offer blessings or readings, ensuring that everyone feels seen.
Breaking the Glass: This powerful concluding moment — a reminder that even in joy, we hold space for the brokenness in the world — resonates across traditions. It requires no specific religious identity to understand.
Wine Blessings, Readings, Music: Hebrew and English can be woven together. Psalms, Song of Songs, and contemporary poetry can sit side by side. Sephardic melodies and a partner’s favorite hymn can both be heard under the chuppah.
What makes a ceremony Jewish is not exclusion — it is intention, structure, and connection to the tradition’s deep wisdom about love, commitment, and sacred partnership.
Welcoming Both Families
One of the most important aspects of an interfaith wedding is ensuring that both families feel honored and included. This means:
- Explaining rituals in accessible language so non-Jewish family members can follow and participate
- Inviting family members from both sides to hold chuppah poles, offer readings, or light candles
- Acknowledging both families’ traditions with warmth and respect
- Avoiding language that makes anyone feel like an outsider at a celebration of love
Rabbi Gabai takes particular care with this. Having spent nearly thirty years working with families of every background, she understands that a wedding is not just about two people — it is about the merging of families, histories, and hopes.
Building a Jewish Home Together
Many interfaith couples who begin with a wedding ceremony go on to explore Jewish life more deeply — observing Shabbat, celebrating holidays, enrolling children in Jewish education, finding a synagogue community. The wedding is often the doorway, not the destination.
Rabbi Gabai has seen this journey unfold hundreds of times. She welcomes interfaith couples not with conditions or caveats, but with genuine excitement for the home they are building. Judaism has always grown through welcome — through the stranger who became Ruth, through the convert who became Rabbi Akiva. The tradition is capacious enough to hold every love story.
If you and your partner are exploring a Jewish ceremony, Rabbi Gabai would love to hear your story and help you create a wedding that feels deeply yours — honoring both of you, both families, and the ancient tradition that gives the ceremony its meaning.
Have a question of your own?
Ask Rabbi Gabai